two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
