Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
