Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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