I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
