So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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