Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
