this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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