Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
