I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
