"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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