At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
