so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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