The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize