I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
