Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize