I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
