dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
