physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
