Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
