Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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