This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize