FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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