I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize