weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
