There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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