dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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