I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All the doctor said was why
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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