she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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