You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
