All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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