i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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