Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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