Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
