What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
