I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
