we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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