So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
