do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
