She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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