you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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