So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize