even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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