New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
