And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
