I want to walk on stilts...naked
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
