I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
4 words: hood of his car
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
