I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
