i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
