So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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