And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
