She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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