I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my being single is dangerous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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