OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
