I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
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