I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
