Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
