weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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