I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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