i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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