a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
