So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need to stop coming to work sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
