you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
