She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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