just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
