a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm getting married
To pizza
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
