I want you more than these girls want KFC
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
