Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
