Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize