Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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