Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
