Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
