don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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