So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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