Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
